Happiness can be fun, I guess.

Hi guys.

You know those days where you scroll aimlessly through the internet looking for something to do, or read because you're that bored? Well I was doing that the other day and I came across the best article that inspired me to write this. 

At this present moment, Im going through a bit of shit. My anxiety has come back in full force, Im struggling with motivation to do anything and im finding it quite hard being on my own at the moment which is strange, because i usually hate company. 

Although, i've already written something something like this I thought i'd do it again because the other one is quite old and my tastes and habits have changed quite drastically in the past two years and we long-standing readers of this awful blog will know how much I like to write a good ole list. 

I usually give myself a number that i keep to and its usually ten, im just gonna keep going until I run out of things that make me happy because why not. 

1. Cathy and my best buds, also known as my mum, Hannah, Emily, Ellie, and Jenny. 
2. Cats. 
3. Dancing around my room in my underwear
4. Putting makeup on
5. New purfume
6. Long walks around pitville park (usually quite late at night)
7. Receiving things in the post that arent bills
8. Online shopping
9. Shopping around town
10. Being paid
11. A good hug when you need it (Quite a big part of my happiness)
12. Being drunk and one of my fav songs come on
13. The smell of fresh washing
14. Banter
15. New things 
16. Food
17. Sleep
18. Having girly nights where I do my eyebrows and put a facemask on
19. Taking my bra off at the end of the day
20. Having a good cry when things arent going right. 
21. Facetiming Megan
22. Making other people smile
23. Manners (IMPORTANT)
24. Getting 11 likes on an instagram post
25. A good cup of tea
26. That weather thats cold enough to have to wear a coat but not rainy
27. Popping bubble wrap
28. Knowing that you havnt got anything to do that requires effort the next day
29. That person that always makes you happy actually making effort
30. Crawling into cold sheets
31. Going on a date that turns out well
32. Getting the window seat on a train
33. Finding a pen you love and not losing it straight away
34. Making someone cry with laughter
35. Having something to smile about. 
36. Listening to someone tell a story that makes them happy.
37. Waking up and realising you dont have to awake for a few more hours
38. Cats. (repeated and not even sorry)
39. Websites like Buzzfeed and Tumblr.
40. Disney songs
41. Getting a nice text off your family
42. Having something to look forward to (Amsterdam)
43. The smell of flavoured coffee
44. Getting your eyeliner perfect
45. Being kissed on the forehead.
46. Being right
47. Going to a till and finding out something is on sale
48. Spending time with people that love you
49. Someone trusting you with something they dont want others to know
50. Having a "confident" day

:-) 

Hope you enjoyed that little nugget.

Enjoy your new year!

TTYL,

Kirst x

Anxiety pt 2

Hi!

Guess whose back another month later. Again?

Im not sure if people will remember but over summer I uploaded a blog post about how I deal with anxiety, whether it be other peoples or my own. If you don't, im going to link it here - [x]

Well, heres another post about it because within the past few months, its got pretty bad again so rather than bottle all my crap up i'm using this blog as a diary, which was what it was started up for in the first place. 

Im not sure if I wrote it on here, but in October I got a job on Fashion Accessories in House of Fraser, working on gloves. New jobs always freak me out, I absolutely hate meeting new people! It means having to get to know new people, and actually having to find things to talk about which is always awkward. Especially because you're never sure of peoples personalities. However, Fashion Accs wasnt actually too bad as there wasnt actually that many people on there, which was nice. I ended up working there for a month, when I actually got a job with House of Fraser rather than working for an outside company. That was all well and good but it meant moving to a different department. Not just a different department, but a bigger one. 

Menswear.

This is where my anxiety flared up. Im not gonna lie. Menswear in Cheltenham was always very daunting to me. Whenever I walked past there, it just seemed very different to Cardiff's menswear which was always going to happen, but I didnt think I'd find it so hard to find people to interact with. Like, its always nice to have a work buddy. By work buddy, I mean someone you can just have a laugh with, and maybe cause a little bit of trouble with. Im pretty sure i've had that in nearly all the jobs i've had. Over summer, im pretty sure I got told off for talking to one person so much. In Cheltenham, I thought there was going to be NO WAY I would find that person and at the moment, that thought would be living up to expectation. Last Saturday, I got invited out to the menswear christmas night out, and quite frankly, I wasnt going to go. I didnt know anyone very well so I didnt see much point knowing how little i'd end up talking. So when I got home from my shift that day, I received a message asking if I was going to go. At this point, I was pretty bored and in the flat on my own so I decided to go. 

This probably was a pretty much HUGE mistake. From what I remember it was a good night. From what I remember! 

I decided to start on the Sambuca shots just to get my nerves out of the way, because I know how confident I am when Ive had a few drinks. The morning after and i've had my purse and keys stolen and my brand new Iphone 6 wouldn't turn on and was pretty smashed up. I went in to work to find out that a few things had happened the night and people knew before me. 

To make things worse, half way through my shift in work I rang my mam and quite literally broke down in the middle of the staffroom, where people from my department actually saw.

I went home after my shift and took me quite a lot of strength to come back to Cheltenham. Im not gonna lie, Im still not 100% sure I even want to be here still. It takes a lot for me not to want to be in Cheltenham, because before all of this happened I was hoping to live here after I had finished uni. Now, I shake quite often and the thought of even being in Cheltenham makes me tear up a little bit.

I dont think i'd had even cheered up the little amount I have done if it werent for Emily actually cheering me up. I genuinely think that shes being trying her hardest and I cant thank her enough. 

Overall, anxiety sucks and I dont think any of that crap would have happened if I wasnt so nervous. 

In my last blog post, I wrote some things that helps people out when they're feeling shitty(anxious) so I thought I'd write up some of my tells(what happens when I think im close to having a panic attack or feeling nervous)

• I know if im close to having a panic attack I genuinely cannot be consoled so usually I start crying, and I cant breathe. The past few times ive had them, they've been in work and I was quite literally an ugly mess. My make up had been cried off or wiped off with tissues and you could hear my chest wheezing. 
• Im also pretty grabby with myself. Im not sure if that makes any sense but I keep my sleeves over my hand, im wringing my hands or im scratching my chest. 

I know this was a bit of a personal one, and im really sorry if you didnt enjoy it very much but it was just something I needed to write. 

Heres to hoping the next post will be a bit more upbeat.

TTYL,

Kirst x

P.S I thought this picture was very important so i thought I would add it in.

I don’t think that means what you think it means

Hi!

I thought I would write a post about these past two days and what I've been up to.

Im back to my old tricks and writing when I'm hungover so apologies if sentences don't make sense or I make silly spelling errors. 

BACKGROUND INFO

A couple of months ago, this bloke followed me on twitter called "TidalPete". I had a stalk and assumed that he was just following me to get some promotion for his band, so I followed him back and thought nothing of it. A couple of weeks later, I received a DM (direct message) from this guy mentioning that he to wrote a blog and that I should check out his posts. We started talking about why he decided to start writing a blog and stuff, so I decided that he seemed decent and checked out his band.

What I have found out about this band: 

1. They are from Peterborough, which is freaking miles away.
2. Two of the members are also in a band called "Tidal Dave" and another is in another band called "One Nation"
3. They literally have their self promotion game DOWN!
4. They're pretty sick live. If you get the chance, then please go and have a watch. Pete jumps around like a whippet on acid and its brilliant to watch. They're all pretty great instrumentalists.
5. Theyre really nice guys.

BACKGROUND INFO DONE!

You may be thinking, what does this have to do about the past two days?

Well, Thursday evening my two buddies from Cardiff came down to see me, so we could travel up to Peterborough to watch them live. 

Thursday night, Jenny and Ellie managed to persuade Abbie and I to go to props. Props the night before driving two and a half hours was never a good idea, but it was a lot of fun introducing them to propaganda. As far as I know, They had a great night.

The next morning we set off on our road trip, and it was the longest drive I have ever been on which included Abbie saying "Peterborough yay" every time she saw signs, lots of singing and catching up as I havn't seen my babies for nearly three months. Once we got there, we grabbed food and pre drinks and went to get ready! I honestly think that if alcohol hadnt been involved in last night, i would have passed out. 

First up was a guy called B-Sydes

This guy was so cool and super humble. We saw him after his set and I told him how great he was, and he literally didnt stop hugging me and thanking me. 

Next, a band called Scumbus. 

Literally the most funny band ive heard. At one point, the lead singer had a sombrero on and their song definitely had a mexican tone to it. 

Photo Finish were up next.

Photo Finish were the reason we went, and they did not disappoint! They honestly have so much stage presence and they play so well live! Like i said earlier, Pete jumps around like a complete loon, and at one point, put his guitar and just went and stood in the crowd. Baring in mind, they were in the middle of their cover of All Time Low. I asked him why later that night, and his reply? "Cos I can"

One Nation played next.

Unfortunately, I didnt get to see much of these which im pretty gutted about because what I did get to see was pretty damn sick. 

The headliner, Old School Reasons were last.

These guys were literally the shit. I can 100% confirm that I am a definite fan after seeing these guys! At the end of the set, they got the crowd to do a death wall, which had me concerned about peoples lives that I didnt even know, and the lead singer crowd surfed.. 

Honestly, the best part of their set which made my whole night was two blokes got up in front of the lead guitarists microphone and started miming.. 

Im not sure whether it was because I was pretty drunk at the time but it was honestly so freaking funny. 

After the gig had finished, the venue turned into a nightclub, so we all proceeded to get insanely drunk with the bands and we dance and met lots of lovely people including the Bassist,  Luke's girlfriend and a couple of people that Photo Finish knew personally so that was pretty sweet.

Definitely must have been a good night, because woke up this morning with a penis drew on one hand and I heart PFx on the other (Cheers Peter)

Tidal Pete, Me, Jenny, Abbie, Mark from Old School Reasons

If any of you want to check any of these musicians out,

I'll leave some links below. 

B-SYDES

SCUMBUS

PHOTO FINISH

ONE NATION

OLD SCHOOL REASONS

There we go.

Thats all folks.

Hope you enjoy it.

Please go check out those bands, promise you wont be disappointed.

TTYL, 

Kirst x

Addiction in Cheltenham

Hi guys. 

I cant believe its been over a month since I last put up a blog post. Slacking a little bit, I know. I wish I could blame it on the 3rd year work load but alas, I cannot. I haven't started any of it. I want to say its because none of its due in any time soon, which is true but that doesn't even scratch the surface. 

The main reason: procrastination.

I know this is a usual excuse for people but let me just explain what ive been doing to procrastinate. 

(This is the part where I embarrass myself greatly)

Activity #1: Greys Anatomy

Greys Anatomy is a 11-season tv show originally shown on ABC and now streamed on American netflix and I am OBSESSED with it. Ive been watching it for about two months and im currently on season 7, which should be both impressive and pathetic. Why both, I hear you ask?

Impressive because within around about 60 days I have watched 126+ hour-long episodes of this programme. Its pathetic because within those two months I could have been doing something productive like starting my dissertation or researching things for the record label thing im setting up for one of my assessments. 

Here comes my reasons why you should watch this amazing tv show. 

Reason 1: If you're into "relationship goals" and watching friendships blossom into amazingness that could become an addiction at any point, then you need this tv show. 

RS1: Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang

RS2: George O' Malley and Izzy Stevens (Please note: This friendship will break you)

RS3: Mark Sloan and Callie Torres.

Reason 2: It could make you smarter. IE: I now know very long words like cardiothuracic (A doctor that specialises in hearts and chests) and craniotomy (surgical removal of piece of skull from ones brain)

Please make sure you dont do what I did and marathon nearly a season every two days. I had a dream that I needed a craniotomy the other day because I had a bleed on my brain. It was terrifying and I now wear a seatbelt everywhere I go (in a car obviously).

Activity #2: Watching things about cats.

Yes, I should be a crazy lady. I feel like in about 20 years or so, I may end up living in a tiny flat with 10 cats with names that begin with the same letter and I dont have an issue with this. I mean, its not a bad life to live. Anyhow, if you have me on facebook then you will see the amount of cat videos I share or that I'm tagged in. 

Activity #3: Tinder.

For any of you that live under a rock and dont know what this is, it is a dating app. This app is super simple and mainly frowned upon. Why? Because its usually used for hooking up with someone that lives in your area. Im not saying I use it for that reason in the slightest, but it is highly addictive and can get very distracting. Ive had this app for nearly three years on and off and Ive been on one date, which was this summer. However, since coming back to Cheltenham my addiction is out of control, which has been proven since I have matched with a 46 year old, through no fault of my own (Blame Emily) 

I hope you enjoyed this silly little blog post.

TTYL,

Kirst x

Pet peeves and the best traits

Have you ever thought about what really annoys you about certain people? 

Like, imagine one of your favourite people in the world? You love spending time with them, in fact you go out of your way to hang out with them and then BANG: They start to do something that really annoys you. Something that you never noticed about them until you started to get to know them properly. This is something that I started to think about today whilst I was in work. I thought I would share a few of these with readers today. I'm going to do my favourite traits in people aswell (please note the title) just so this post isnt too negative. 

Im also going to stick a little recommendation at the bottom of this post from a band called Photo Finish. Theyre super good and kind of remind me of a mix of All Time Low and early Fall Out Boy. 

Pet peeves:

1. selfishness - Ok, so in a past blog post i've said before that a bit of selfishness is necessary and I still stick to that but when it comes to people suffering for you being a selfish twat, thats when I start to get annoyed and angry. At some stage, theres got to be a point where you have to say to yourself, "Christ, maybe I need to start considering changing myself because other people are getting upset because of how I act?" Right? 

2. Shouting - This isnt just something that annoys me from others, honestly I do it myself and I just think "WHY KIRSTEN? WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SHOUT?!" Sometimes, I genuinely do it by accident. Like, if you know me and I feel comfortable around you, then we've passed the stage where I probably will get overly loud and I probably need a kick in the shins to calm me down. However, when other people do it, especially when I'm in a bad mood then all I want to do is walk away from you and not talk to you for a couple of days. 

3. Blokes that rub themselves up against you or touch you inappropriately in clubs - Its sleazy and disgusting and any guy that does it needs a punch in the nose. Why do guys think its ok to grind against a girls bum when they're just trying to have a nice time. By all means dance with a girl, im not saying thats a bad thing. But, then the guy is behind there girl full on thrusting against their arse, it gets tedious and makes me feel slightly sick. Its extremely presumptuous and frankly pretty minging. 

4. People who take forever to text back - Ok, I understand some people are busy and sometimes I have to remind myself of that but if you're in the middle of a conversation then either tell the recipient that you're busy or don't carry on a conversation with them until you're free. I swear there is nothing worse than waiting for a reply to a text that just says "How are you?" or maybe even "Whats up?" those types of texts need minimal replying to, and takes 2 seconds. If I can make the effort, then why cant you buddy?

5. People who talk with their mouths full - I do not want half of your mouthful of food in front of me because you've spat it at me during your sentence. Use the manners you were brought up with and swallow before you speak, even if it takes a couple of seconds. The person you're speaking to isnt going to mind.

Favourite traits

1.  Honesty - people who tell the truth are the best people to keep around simply because you know where you are with them at all times. I hate people who play games. It kind of breaks my tiny little heart

2. Enthusiasm - I think enthusiasm for a specific thing is so so cute! Like, if a person is excited about something and you're on those people that try to take the piss because theyre excited, then you are a seriously bad person. 

I think im going to leave it there for traits and annoyances. 

However, as promised.

Here is the link for Photo Finishes sound cloud. Please go and take a gander, they released their first song called "I dont think that means what you think it means" and their cover of All Time Low's "Time Bomb" 

https://soundcloud.com/photofinishband 

Thats all for now, folks.

TTYL,

Kirst x

Anxiety sucks.

Hi guys.

 I thought i'd do a little blog on anxiety and the repercussions of it. I've watched a bunch of my friends have several panic/anxiety attacks in my life. However. I've only really understood what they were when I started getting them myself

I've never been a nervous person. Actually, overall I would say I'm quite self-confident person but being put into such a terrifying position of moving away from home and put into a small flat where im expected to make friends with the people im living with clearly changed that.  Just to clarify, for the large part this wasn't an awful thing, im just not very good at making new friends so to be forced into doing such was just like throwing me into the deep end as such.

The reason i'm writing about this is because last night, I was very close to having a panic attack. 

Against my better judgement, I decided to go and see a friend quite late at night. As if that wasnt enough to be nervous, I had to walk to his. He lives at least half an hour away from me for a normal sized person. At one point, I got lost which ended up in me being a stressed mess by the time I reached his. 

For the rest of the night, I genuinely couldnt relax and I dont know why. He said to me "Can you just relax? You being like this is making me feel uneasy and uncomfortable" Sounds like a bit of a douchebag thing to say doesnt it? He was completely unaware to what situation I was in but him saying that made me feel like utter cack , just because me being stressy was making someone I care about feel uncomfortable about being in my presence. After around about an hour of this happening, said person did manage to calm me down, by talking about Spanish people and beer of all things.

A lot of people link anxiety/panic attacks with not being able to breathe or rocking back and forth in a corner, but its so much more than that. I saw this post on tumblr a few weeks a go, and it gave me quite a lot to think about.

There are several things about people that know nothing about anxiety tend to do, and which admittedly, I used to do to people that really bug me out.

DONT:

• Tell the person to calm down; he or she doesnt have that control at that specific point
• Please dont get frustrated with that person, it'll probably make things worse.
• It' takes a long time for someone to get over whatever theyre stressed about for the large part; please dont expect a massive turnaround over night

DOS:

• If that person needs you to sit with them, its not always necessary for you to talk. Just be there. They'll talk if they want to
• Let them know you're there to talk if they need to.
• Get them whatever they need. I once sat up with a drunk friend until 5am because they were having a panic attack. I made her a cup of tea, and sat there.

I hope thats helped some people.

Just to clarify that are so many sites that can help if someone you know, or you yourself is suffering with anxiety.

http://urlmin.com/mind0

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Anxiety/Pages/self-help.aspx

TTYL,

Kirst x

3 things I know to be true: summer blues

Hi guys! :-)

Im back with another one of these blogs. I thought i'd do a little post about what i've come to realise over the summer. I thought i'd put it out there that im probably going to be blogging a hell of a lot more seeing as i've got a new macbook! It is now my new baby and ive fallen well and truly in love with it. Its making my netflix addiction a hell of a lot worse though seeing as I now have access to a larger screen and american netflix as well as british! 

I've done a few of these posts previously so im just going to link them here - [1] [2] [3]

1. I wasnt born to be in retail.

Over the summer I was blessed to be given a job back where I used to work, except on a concession. Lacoste to be exact. When I say blessed, I genuinely mean it. I honestly dont think I've ever had so much fun working, that includes bar work (which I loved) Im currently covering for my manager who has just had two little boys arrive. Im working 5 days a week and im so glad to not be home sat on my arse. To make things a little bit better, this job is paying for me to go to Amsterdam in January. However, it has reminded me how much I dislike the human race. Customers can be some of the worst people and can 100% spoil my mood. I wish I could say its usually the older generation that are rude, but its usually middle aged people who don't know what the hell manners are. E.G - A lady came in for a refund the other day, she asked me to help, so I told her I could, providing what it was. Her reply "Just a couple of bits" I said to her, "Ok, thats no worries, have you got your receipt?" Baring in mind here - people cannot return ladies wear to mens wear. Everything she had was ladieswear. I told her she actually couldn't return them in the mens section. She politely told me that i should stop interfering in the worst tone imaginable. I was gobsmacked. The woman waiting for her husband to try on clothes could believe the audacity of her. 

Rule one of retail: Dont go in to the business if you have a really quick temper. 

2. I miss Cheltenham. 

This time last year I really didnt want to go back, which is weird because i'm now hankering to go back to Cheltenham so bad. Literally because I miss the vibe of the place so bad. I miss Pitville park and Hannah, Ryan and Emily a hell of a lot. I went up at the end of June to see a friend but didn't get to see a lot of Cheltenham which makes me super sad. The only thing is that because next year will need a lot of attention, I wont get to come home a lot, so I wont get to see Cathy a hell of a lot which makes me sad. I also wont get to see my little slag, Jenny. Honestly, I also miss being at uni. I miss going to gigs and seeing some of the POM's perform. Im pretty stoked for this year as i'm going to be helping out with putting the gigs on for the ALT music society,  I get to put on my own event with a few of my favourite people and I already have a few ideas for both.

3. Homeware shopping is the most fun ive had since coming back. 

I wish this was a joke, seriously. Im not though. When i go back to university in September, I will be moving into a flat with Hannah and Emily and I decided to get all new stuff! So that means new duvet covers, new plate patterns, new glasses everything! Im turning into an old dear at the ripe old age of 22. 

Thats it for now I think. 

TTYL,

Kirst x